literature

To Feel Nothing

Deviation Actions

NiDjuna's avatar
By
Published:
59 Views

Literature Text

They say that feeling pain is better than feeling nothing.
I don't agree.
Feeling nothing gives me the idea that I'm safe, that no one can hurt me.
That I'm alone, but in the right way.
That I don't have to tell people what's going on in me, for there's nothing going on in me.
Feeling numb is like ignoring all the pain, like knowing what's wrong, but you don't have to emotially respond to it.
So no, I'd rather not feel pain. Pain makes me feel alone and miserable and excluded, for I'm the only one to feel the pain the way I feel it.
When I'm sad and pained, I tend to cut myself off. To isolate myself. Which is stupid and causes only more pain. And eventually jealousy, because I want to be happy and good again.
But we don't show our pain, do we now? We dont let people know we're hurt. Why not?
Because we don't want to bother others with it. We want others to be happy and good for us.
And, without getting all personal and dramatic, take me (or any ohter sad girl for al it matters).
I'm hurt, kind of. I'm sad. I wish to tell someone that, but I won't. Because they will only get all sad and start to feel sorry for me. Then you have two sad people.
Now, don't get me wrong and start thinking that people should hold their feeling in and be sad on their own.
I'm just saying that I experience feeling nothing as a much better thing than pain.

Me telling this doesn't really have a purpose for any of you. But -altough probably no one will read this- it's nice to say it. For a change.
This is an useless waiste of time. And you probably don't even wanna read it. But, if you have nothing better to do, I would appriciate it if you did.
© 2012 - 2024 NiDjuna
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In